I’ve decided I’d keep a diary about the ups and downs I go through writing my novel. Years ago, I did an investigation with art curator Peggy Gale into the relationship of anxiety to creativity. We discovered that some anxiety is necessary; it inspires us to write or make art but if there’s too much anxiety, the anxiety will shut down your creative powers.
I’m thinking about our insight into anxiety this morning. I’m half-way through a novel about a white collar criminal who runs a dead pool in prison where the prisoners bet on which of the list of aging or frail celebrities is going to die first. My character also goes through a spiritual change in prison. Or mimes going through a spiritual change. I keep changing my mind about this. It seems to me that people become their environments to a large extent so it’s possible he’s in a place that leads him to spiritual reflection and emotional change. But once he gets out, he goes back to his old ways.
But to begin. My main job right now is to keep writing. And that means keeping anxiety and self-doubt dialed down. I have a tendency to question what I’m doing, and ask–is this working? Those questions are like a meal of anxiety pancakes because I end up feeling stuffed with heavy, leaden feelings that lead me nowhere. Anyway, anxiety pancakes are my subject in this blog. I’ll try to post a few paragraphs every day. That’s a promise.